he has a new skype avatar, & it’s him kissing some random bitch. i can’t stop crying. it’s been almost a year of fighting for this jerk. & i told him if he were to move on & find someone else & not come back, i’d kill myself. fuck. i was doing so good too for a while, didn’t harm, didn’t think suicidal thoughts, & now i’m back at square one. & now all i want to do is talk to him & commit but he isn’t responding & i already took klonopin to calm down but it’s not working. it’s just not working. i feel like such a pathetic piece of shit that deserves nothing or no one. i was doing so good, so damn good.. fucking hell. so many people told me he was going to come back to me. everyone just lied to me to calm me down for the time being but why.. why lie to me.. why the hell am i considered such a fucking bad undesirable person to you, what the hell did i ever so so wrong to you? i’ve just been fighting for you & us & you threw me away like a piece of trash. & you said you’d talk to me later, it’s been months.
i can’t even think straight, i just know i’m not angry at you, & i love you, & that i still want you.
i’m so torn right now.